Goodbyes are Difficult
On Monday, January 18th, 2016 Grandpa Grochowalski passed away. Since my last visit with him, his health has slowly gone downhill. The leukemia had spread in his body and he developed pneumonia. My parents, aunts, uncles, and Grandma had diligently spent time with him while he was still here. Towards the end the minor things were very painful and we prayed that he would no longer have to suffer. He passed peacefully. When we learned of his passing, we were devastated. Grandpa Grocho lived to be 87 years old. Grandma and him were such a huge part of my life growing up, attending every sporting event, birthday party, or anytime moment that they possibly could. Now that we have our own family, they made every effort to be with the boys that they could. They would stop over every time we were in town, they drove up to our house to visit, they were at every birth of each child, baseball games, birthday parties, etc. The joy that he had for me, Bob, and my boys is unmeasurable.
His passing is the first death the boys will have to experience and I was unsure how exactly to do this properly. On Friday of the week before, I stopped into talk with our school consoler about the proper procedure and vocabulary to use with the kids. She gave me some books and pamphlets to read. We chose not to tell the boys until Wednesday evening because the calling hours and funeral would be Thursday and Friday. When I told Carter and Landon, they looked confused and unsure. Carter read the pamphlet to us about death and what to expect. This was great because it confronted those hard to explain topics (casket, cremation, death). After we talked about it we looked at pictures to remind us of the memories we have with Grandpa. Landon said, "He always played with me." Carter said, "He sprayed me with a water gun." (Which he did during the water fight on Landon's birthday). As we looked at pictures I was reminded of how he was there with the birth of each of the boys. He was one of the first family members to hold them. They drove all over to be with us and see those boys. Family…that was what was and still is important!
Thursday morning we drove down to Bucyrus for calling hours. When we arrived at the funeral home we talked with the boys about how this was a quiet place where they had to be on their best behavior, stay quiet, and use their manners. When we entered the room to see Grandpa, both Carter and Landon went straight up to the casket. They stayed there quietly on the kneeling post and just looked at Grandpa. We talked with them and they were just content quietly watching. Grandma walked up behind them and said, "You know Grandpa loved you guys so much," she then turned to me and said, "Just as much as he loved you." I knew in my heart how much he really loved me and my family. Grandma was such a trooper throughout the calling hours service as she talked with those who came to show their respect. At the end of the night, we all went over to my Uncle Bobby and Aunt Judy's house for dinner. The house was full of laughter and love as we all shared memories and stories of Grandpa.
Christmas 2014. Look at the happiness in grandma's smile.
Friday, the day of the funeral, was a hard day to face. It started early with the rosary. Angie and Katie kept the boys during this time so that Bob and I could take part without distraction. It hit me when just the family remained in the funeral home room as we said goodbye. He looked so peaceful with just a small smile on his face. We then drove over to the church for the funeral service. The boys met us there and we walked in behind the casket. Watching the men of the family be the pall bearers was very sad. That is such a hard job. As we walked in behind Grandpa, I could not hold back the tears and sobs. The service was beautiful and the message was spot on. The priest talked about the love he had for Grandma, his 5 children, his 7 grandchildren, and his 13 great-grandchildren. Once the service was over we walked outside for the military rights. I had never seen this before and I will forever remember it. Oh, the emotion, the discipline, the professionalism that was displayed during this procedure was unlike none before. The moment the flag was given to Grandma in honor of his service to his country, the African American man who was saluting turned and one lonely tear ran down his face. The temperature outside was so cold. While they were playing Taps, a huge wind gust came through and in my mind that was Grandpa acknowledging his presence. I stood there after the service and watched them carry him, put him in the car, and begin to drive away forever…that was heart wrenching.
Goodbyes are never easy. Goodbyes are hard because those memories you have with them mean so much that your heart aches to think of making more without them. Grandpa Grocho was a man who I love and will remember him always.
His passing is the first death the boys will have to experience and I was unsure how exactly to do this properly. On Friday of the week before, I stopped into talk with our school consoler about the proper procedure and vocabulary to use with the kids. She gave me some books and pamphlets to read. We chose not to tell the boys until Wednesday evening because the calling hours and funeral would be Thursday and Friday. When I told Carter and Landon, they looked confused and unsure. Carter read the pamphlet to us about death and what to expect. This was great because it confronted those hard to explain topics (casket, cremation, death). After we talked about it we looked at pictures to remind us of the memories we have with Grandpa. Landon said, "He always played with me." Carter said, "He sprayed me with a water gun." (Which he did during the water fight on Landon's birthday). As we looked at pictures I was reminded of how he was there with the birth of each of the boys. He was one of the first family members to hold them. They drove all over to be with us and see those boys. Family…that was what was and still is important!
Thursday morning we drove down to Bucyrus for calling hours. When we arrived at the funeral home we talked with the boys about how this was a quiet place where they had to be on their best behavior, stay quiet, and use their manners. When we entered the room to see Grandpa, both Carter and Landon went straight up to the casket. They stayed there quietly on the kneeling post and just looked at Grandpa. We talked with them and they were just content quietly watching. Grandma walked up behind them and said, "You know Grandpa loved you guys so much," she then turned to me and said, "Just as much as he loved you." I knew in my heart how much he really loved me and my family. Grandma was such a trooper throughout the calling hours service as she talked with those who came to show their respect. At the end of the night, we all went over to my Uncle Bobby and Aunt Judy's house for dinner. The house was full of laughter and love as we all shared memories and stories of Grandpa.
Christmas 2014. Look at the happiness in grandma's smile.
Friday, the day of the funeral, was a hard day to face. It started early with the rosary. Angie and Katie kept the boys during this time so that Bob and I could take part without distraction. It hit me when just the family remained in the funeral home room as we said goodbye. He looked so peaceful with just a small smile on his face. We then drove over to the church for the funeral service. The boys met us there and we walked in behind the casket. Watching the men of the family be the pall bearers was very sad. That is such a hard job. As we walked in behind Grandpa, I could not hold back the tears and sobs. The service was beautiful and the message was spot on. The priest talked about the love he had for Grandma, his 5 children, his 7 grandchildren, and his 13 great-grandchildren. Once the service was over we walked outside for the military rights. I had never seen this before and I will forever remember it. Oh, the emotion, the discipline, the professionalism that was displayed during this procedure was unlike none before. The moment the flag was given to Grandma in honor of his service to his country, the African American man who was saluting turned and one lonely tear ran down his face. The temperature outside was so cold. While they were playing Taps, a huge wind gust came through and in my mind that was Grandpa acknowledging his presence. I stood there after the service and watched them carry him, put him in the car, and begin to drive away forever…that was heart wrenching.
Goodbyes are never easy. Goodbyes are hard because those memories you have with them mean so much that your heart aches to think of making more without them. Grandpa Grocho was a man who I love and will remember him always.
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