Emotions
Recently we have begun to notice that Carter is feeling worry and insecurity in social interactions at school with his peers. This is something new that we haven't seen from him yet. It's tough hearing him worrying and trying to be mindful of the words you use to coach him through these moments.
It first happened when he found out what I was going to wear to the Hawaiian themed mother and son dance at school.
He was embarrassed which to me seems like a normal response however the tears started to fall and he said, "Everyone is going to laugh at you and then they will laugh at me." I forgot how important "fitting in" can be especially at his age and being in a new school. We took a moment together to talk about how being worried about this is okay but we also need to be comfortable with being different. He has always been the leader and never looked back at moments where I was sure he was going to be the "oddball". It took some time to talk him through and also for me to find an outfit that was approved by him. We went to the dance. He had a great time dancing like a fool in front of everyone who was there. And at the end of the night when there was a contest for best dressed, he begged me to go to the car to change into the outfit I wanted to wear in the first place. Baby steps, baby steps.
We try not to be "helicopter" parents or whatever new buzz word they are calling it these days. Really we let our kids fail so they can learn from those mistakes...not fun watching that happen but in the long run we hope it's worth it. This past week Carter came to me about how to fix a situation where he was able to choose how to spend his free time at school earned with good behavior tickets. He mentioned that he checked "dance" however he really meant to check "kickball" and he is unable to change his mind says the supervisor. Basically what I got from this is...he loves to dance but realized that many of his friends chose kickball and he might be made fun of for choosing dance. He said, "Mom how do I fix this", as I watched his chin quiver and his eyes start to fill with tears.
Choices, he had choices...some he liked better than others but he did have choices. After discussing all that we could come up with, he decided he would let his homeroom teacher know about his choice and how worried he was about it to see if he could help him switch to kickball.
The next morning and after school I wanted to much to talk with him about it again with an attempt to give him a "pep talk" about how to handle it but thought it was better for me to keep my mouth shut and if it mattered to him he would solve it without any additional conversation. On Friday after school he says, "Hey Mom, I forgot to tell you I talked with Mrs. Sutton and she walked with me down to the teacher who runs the survey. She let me delete my old survey and take it again with the choice I wanted." Oh how proud I was in that moment!!!!! Watching him take the bull by the horns and step out of that comfort zone to solve problems on his own...that's what its all about!
It first happened when he found out what I was going to wear to the Hawaiian themed mother and son dance at school.
He was embarrassed which to me seems like a normal response however the tears started to fall and he said, "Everyone is going to laugh at you and then they will laugh at me." I forgot how important "fitting in" can be especially at his age and being in a new school. We took a moment together to talk about how being worried about this is okay but we also need to be comfortable with being different. He has always been the leader and never looked back at moments where I was sure he was going to be the "oddball". It took some time to talk him through and also for me to find an outfit that was approved by him. We went to the dance. He had a great time dancing like a fool in front of everyone who was there. And at the end of the night when there was a contest for best dressed, he begged me to go to the car to change into the outfit I wanted to wear in the first place. Baby steps, baby steps.
We try not to be "helicopter" parents or whatever new buzz word they are calling it these days. Really we let our kids fail so they can learn from those mistakes...not fun watching that happen but in the long run we hope it's worth it. This past week Carter came to me about how to fix a situation where he was able to choose how to spend his free time at school earned with good behavior tickets. He mentioned that he checked "dance" however he really meant to check "kickball" and he is unable to change his mind says the supervisor. Basically what I got from this is...he loves to dance but realized that many of his friends chose kickball and he might be made fun of for choosing dance. He said, "Mom how do I fix this", as I watched his chin quiver and his eyes start to fill with tears.
Choices, he had choices...some he liked better than others but he did have choices. After discussing all that we could come up with, he decided he would let his homeroom teacher know about his choice and how worried he was about it to see if he could help him switch to kickball.
The next morning and after school I wanted to much to talk with him about it again with an attempt to give him a "pep talk" about how to handle it but thought it was better for me to keep my mouth shut and if it mattered to him he would solve it without any additional conversation. On Friday after school he says, "Hey Mom, I forgot to tell you I talked with Mrs. Sutton and she walked with me down to the teacher who runs the survey. She let me delete my old survey and take it again with the choice I wanted." Oh how proud I was in that moment!!!!! Watching him take the bull by the horns and step out of that comfort zone to solve problems on his own...that's what its all about!
On a side note, Carter was chosen within his Math class to work with a small group of his peers to create a maze for a coding robot. They drew a blueprint, collected household materials to create it, tested it and competed against classmates and other schools in the area. They earned 2nd place out of over 20 teams!!!
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